Through The Smile
by emmyloser
Summary: Just because he's smiling doesn't mean he's happy. James struggles with a life he's hidden from his friends for years. But even the best actors have to break sometime. Soon enough the perfect lie he's been living will come crashing down around him.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, new story. This one is going to be my child, my baby. I'm pouring everything I have into this one. And if I die trying, it will be amazing. One more thing, I don't own anything, except, you know, the plot.**

James ran a hand through his soft hair as he boarded the bus back home with the rest of his team. They had just won a game against West Hickory High School. They creamed them actually, beating them 15 to 1. Everyone was excited, screaming and hooting and hollering over their victory. James had to admit, he was happy too. He just couldn't bring himself to express it at the moment.

The bus filled up quickly with the sweaty, elated hockey players. James slid into a seat, Logan sliding in next to him. The shorter boy was just as pumped as the rest of them were. James put on his best smile, the smile he'd become so accustom to throwing on whenever the world expected to see it. He fist bumped all the guys that stuck their knuckles at him and even embraced a few of them in the rare man-hug. He played along, grinning and laughing, but his eyes remained dull and lifeless. He couldn't fake everything.

Soon the bus started rolling, probably to the nearest fast food joint to get some burgers. It was a long ride home and the guys were all starving. James was grateful that they'd be stopping. The more stops and the longer they were, the better. He was by no means in any rush to get home. He glared out the window, watching the snow covered trees roll by. He wished that he could just sit there on that bus and keep going forever. Oh, how he wished that he could just watch the world whiz by from behind a square of glass for the rest of his life.

He was thankful when the cheering died down. Soon the roaring excitement in their shouts dulled to happy chatter. James leaned his head against the window, the cold glass burning his forehead. He closed his eyes, absorbing the conversations he heard taking place around him. _"Did you see that shot? The guy must not have even been trying!", "Hey man, did you hear what Lance did to Chloe at the party last Friday? I heard he fucked the shit out of her!", "Kevin was a total douche bag last practice. He had us all out of focus! I swear if we hadn't have won this game, I would have kicked his ass!". _James could make out what everyone was seeing clearly, but all he heard was blah blah blah. _Who cares? _He thought to himself as he groaned mentally.

James eyes shot open and his head popped up at the sound of Kendall's famous finger whistle. His eyes scanned the bus and stopped when they found Kendall sitting a few rows in front of him on the opposite side of the bus. He was standing up, grinning at the busload of winners. Everyone quickly hushed and all eyes were glued to their proud captain.

"Alright guys. I want to start out by saying how awesome each and every one of you guys are. We got out there and we played as a team. We won not because of luck, but because of hard work, dedication, determination and our ability to become one when we're out on the ice. You guys are all important to the team. Logan, man, you should be a ninja. Your reflexes were awesome out there, you blocked nearly every shot and that's pretty amazing. Bret, you were incredible on defense. I can't believe how many times you saved us out there. And James, you were unstoppable. Nine goals, man! Over half of our win is because of you! You were amazing. You all were. So what I'm saying guys, is thanks and congrats to us all, for being the amazing, unstoppable team that we are!"

The cheering started again. Kendall always had a way of reigniting the fire. Just when all was calm and relatively quite, Kendall would start a riot. This was something about his best friend that usually didn't bother him. He loved the way Kendall could liven up a funeral. He loved that fire he possessed. But sometimes, it just became too much for James. James knew it was his own fault though. He left himself get irritable and grouchy and sensitive sometimes. He let himself get annoyed by the typical things. He never meant to, but sometimes it was all just a result of overload in his brain, causing him to shut down and become touchy.

The gleefully shouting continued as the bus pulled into a McDonald's. James was relieved that all would be quiet again. Soon everyone would be stuffing their faces with much needed fries and Big Macs. The contents of the bus spilled out and into the restaurant. James shuffled through the crowd of hockey players to his three best friends. Actually thinking about it, his only three friends. He wasn't bothered by this, though. James was grateful for them and wouldn't trade them for a million friends.

Logan, Carlos and Kendall were already standing together in their own little group, looking up at the menu. James silently waked over and stood beside them, turning his head toward the menu so he could pretend to scan it along with them. James honestly didn't care what he ate. Everything on the menu looked so good. He hadn't eaten a decent meal in God only knows how long and his stomach ached with the familiar feeling of hunger. It could be taken literally if he were to say he was so hungry he could eat a horse.

Logan was the first one to notice James presence. He looked over at him and flashed that grin of his. That grin brightened up a room. It was friendly and pleasant and it always made James feel like everything was okay. For a moment, anyway.

"Hey, James. Great game, huh?"

Logan's words felt strange to him. Maybe it was because even though they sat together on the bus, this was the first time they'd spoken since the game ended. Maybe it was because he was tired and hungry and unfocused. Whatever it was, he tried to brush it off and respond.

"Only the best game we ever played! We totally dominated them!" A usual response. Something they'd expect.

They shared a laugh and went about ordering their burgers and beverages. The adrenaline rush was starting to wear off as the team began sharing sleepy grins and quiet conversations. The day had been long, eventful, and now it was evident on all their faces.

Their food came surprisingly fast, considering there was a whole team of teenage boys to feed. The food was past around and orders were mixed up and traded about a dozen

times. Once everyone was satisfied they all found tables and sat down for their victory dinner.

"I'm so glad tomorrow is Saturday," Kendall said between bites of his Big Mac, "I swear I'm sleeping until noon."

"Only noon? Hell, I might not even wake up tomorrow," Carlos said with his mouth stuffed with fries.

"Swallow your food, man, that's gross," Logan scolded before continuing, "When I get home I'm taking a hot shower, curling up on the couch with some NetFlix, and sleeping in all day tomorrow." There's that grin again.

James stared at his fish sandwich as the chatter of his friends served as background noise. He wasn't interested in their small talk. He was much more interested in his sandwich. The food danced on his taste buds and filled the void in his stomach that had been empty too long. James took advantage of it when he was lucky enough to get dinner. It wasn't that he never had the time to sit down and eat dinner, and he wasn't trying to lose weight or anything silly like that. It's just hard to eat when your father never bothers buying food unless he's expecting people over.

James was snapped out of his thoughts by fingers snapping in front of his face. He immediately snapped his head up and saw the culprit. Carlos. He and Kendall and Logan were all staring at him, as if waiting for a response.

"Sorry, what?" James asked.

"You alright, James? You aren't really saying much," Logan commented, concern written all over his face.

"Sorry, I just spaced out there for a second. I'm alright." He shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts.

"Oh, alright then. If you're sure. C'mon, looks like we're about to head out." Logan nodded his head towards the rest of the team, who were making their way to the garbage cans and out the door.

The four silently got up and tossed out the unfinished fries and empty burger wrappers. They found themselves piled in the crowded bus, once again. James slid into a seat and Logan sat down next time him, same as he did earlier. However, this time there was no cheering and jovial chatter. Everyone was worn out and stuffed, making them now officially exhausted. James knew that the next hour would be nothing but yawns and the low hums of iPods. James was right. Heads began to flop against windows and the back of the seats. Eyes were shut or drooping slowly. Soft snores could be heard and mouths hanging open could be seen.

James noticed that Logan's head had flopped onto his shoulder, but he didn't mind. He and the guys were so close that it didn't matter if one fell asleep on the other anymore. James yawned, quietly as he could, as he felt his eyelids succumbing to gravity. Careful not to wake Logan, he leaned to the side and rested his head against the window.

James still couldn't help but imagine that as he slept, the bus would keep going. He kept his unrealistic wish that he would go on and on forever, never returning home. He knew he was being ridiculous, childish even, but he didn't care. When you haven't got much left, when you feel like it's you and only you, dreaming is something you can always count on. He closed his eyes and said a small prayer before drifting off. _Please let me wake up anywhere but there. _

**This took me FOREVER to write. Please take 30 seconds to review. I have high hopes for this story…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chapter two. Let me just say that you guys are amazing. Fourteen reviews on the first chapter? I thought I was dreaming! Seriously…You guys just made my life..**

He swore he was only asleep for a few minutes. He was positive that his head had just slumped to the side, not even five minutes ago. He felt so tired that it must have been impossible for him to have slept any longer than a few short moments. It must have been.

However, when James felt someone shoving his shoulder softly, he opened his eyes to pure darkness outside the window. He blinked a little, trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness. They were sitting outside the school. James figured it must have been a little past ten, judging by how dark the night sky was.

Slowly, he turned his head to meet his sleep filled eyes with Logan's. He could see behind Logan that everyone was lazily stretching and grabbing their gear, ready to head home after a long day.

"We're home. Let's go." Logan sounded tired, but that hint of a grin was still present on his face.

James couldn't help but wonder how he could do it. When they were seven and Logan had gotten pneumonia, he sat in that hospital bed with a smile on his face. When they were ten and Logan's dog died, he smiled and said she was in a better place. And the thing of it was, Logan's smile had always been genuine. His eyes would sparkle in a way James' never could. The world could be crashing down around him, and Logan would be smiling. James was sure of this.

James rolled his shoulder, trying to relieve the stiffness he felt. He let out a soft yawn as he watched his teammates slowly leave the bus. He made sure that he was the last one to grab his gear and slink off the bus. Anything to prolong his journey home.

Once he climbed his way down the stairs of the bus, he joined Carlos and Logan, who were waiting for their rides home. Kendall had already found the comfort of his mother's minivan and was probably half way home by now. James couldn't remember the last time his mother picked him up from a hockey game.

"So we're hanging out tomorrow, right?" Carlos asked, eagerness shown through his exhausted voice.

Logan slowly looked up from the screen of his Blackberry and turned his head toward Carlos. The grin was starting to slack a bit, and now only half remained.

"Don't we hang out everyday, Carlos?"

Carlos shifted from one foot to the other. It was obvious that he'd been standing in the same spot for too long and was feeling antsy.

"Not everyday! Don't you remember that time in the third grade when Kendall went to his grandmother's house for the day? Or when I fell down the stairs and had to go to the hospital? Or that time-"

"Carlos! I get it! Okay, we hang out everyday with a few exceptions," Logan interrupted.

"Is tomorrow an exception?" Carlos asked innocently.

"Why would it be?"

"I don't know! Just making sure, I guess."

"Well, to answer your previous question, yes. Tomorrow we're hanging out. We'll meet at Kendall's in the afternoon, just like we always do." Logan told him.

"Oh, okay! Looks like my ride's here," Carlos beamed as he saw his father's little blue car pull up, "I'll see you guys tomorrow!" He waved and ran off towards the car, tossing his belongings in the backseat before climbing in the passenger's seat and heading off towards home.

Logan sighed and looked at James. James stared back, knowing that Logan was about to start speaking to him, probably about to start a conversation he didn't want to get into.

"So, is your dad coming to pick you up?" And so it begins.

"No, he's working late again tonight." James told him, uncertain if it was the truth or not. He rarely knew where his father was these days.

Logan nodded in a way that gestured he understood. He knew that James' father worked as a nurse at the local psychiatric center and worked more often than not. He knew that even on his days off he would get called in to work a lot. He knew that when his father was home, they couldn't come over because he would be asleep. At least, this is what James told him.

"It's really cold. Do you want my mom to drop you off?" Logan asked him as he rubbed his hands together in hopes of warming them up.

"No, that's alright. A ten minute walk in the snow isn't going to kill me. Thanks, though." James yawned on the last sentence.

"Okay," Logan shook his head, disapprovingly, "then what are you still doing here? Go on home. Get warm and go to sleep. You don't have to wait with me."

"I don't mind." James told him. It was true. He wished that he could stand there all night in the freezing cold, rather than go home.

"Well, you don't have to wait now. My mom's here. Are you absolutely sure that you don't need a ride?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks man, see you tomorrow." James smiled at him and started to walk in the direction of his house.

"James?" Logan called to him from the car, grabbing his attention before he was too far away to hear. "Text me when you get home? Just so I know you aren't like, frozen in a ditch somewhere."

James shook his head, smiling. That was Logan for you. He was always looking out for everyone, ensuring everyone's safety.

"Yeah, I'll text you." James agreed. He watched as Logan gave his grin and a nod before the car sped off.

James breathed in the icy Minnesota air as he started the short walk to his house. He was glad he lived so close to the school, or else he would have missed out on a lot of things. He lived close to a lot of things, which was great, seeing that it was that he had no transportation other than his own two feet.

The cold air stung his lungs as he trudged along the snow covered sidewalks. He pulled his jacket tighter around him. Looking up from the ground he noticed his street was right around the corner. He'd be home soon. He just hoped he'd be the only one. Before he knew it, he was able to see his house in the distance. The streetlights shown down on the front lawn, making the snow sparkle with a crisp clean appearance. James could feel a knot form in his stomach as he came closer and closer to his 'home'.

He stood in front of his house and closed his eyes, praying the house would be empty. He dug his key out of his duffle bag and shuffled up the porch to the front door. He slid his key into the hole in what seemed like slow motion. He pushed the door open quietly and slinked his way inside.

"James! Is that you?" He heard his father's voice echo through the hall.

James groaned softly. "Yeah, Dad! I'm home!"

Hal Diamond waltzed through the hallway to his son. "Where the hell have you been?" Hal screamed, the vein in his forehead throbbed with anger.

"I had a hockey game, Dad, Remember? I told you last night that I'd be home late tonight."

"Like hell you did! Do you know that because of you, I had to come home to a messy house! I'm out all day, working to support your sorry ass, and this is the thanks I get?"

"I'm s-"

"No! Jessica came over today, and do you know what she saw? A filthy floor! Dirty silverware in the sink! Empty beer bottles on the coffee table!"

"Dad, I didn't do any of that stuff." James tried to protest.

"Oh, are you suggesting I did it then?" Mr. Diamond's voice seemed to say 'I dare you' and James new to keep his mouth shut before he'd regret it.

"Yeah, I thought so. Look, how would you like it if you brought a girl, or in your case a_ guy _home and I made a mess? Huh? I ask you three things! Clean this shit hole, stay out of trouble, and stay out of my way! Don't you know how good you have it?"

"Yes sir." James cast his eyes downward, waiting for him father to just leave.

"I'm feeling nice tonight; Jessica gave me a little present. But next time you pull this crap, I'll knock a few holes into that pretty little face you work so hard on! You don't want that to happen, now do you?" He spat.

"No, sir." James shook his head. He at least wanted to let the bruises on his stomach heal before he got new ones.

"Good. Now get out of my site!"

James quickly turned to the stairs and ran up, only making it halfway before his father stopped him.

"Hold the fuck up! Where do you think you're going?" He barked.

"Bed." James spoke softly.

Hal let out a deep, dark laugh. "Stop being such a pussy! It's only 10:30! You've got plenty of work to do before you go to bed! I want the dishes washed, floor mopped, my sheets washed, the bathroom cleaned and the living room straightened up! This place better be spotless by the time I get back or you're not going to be able to move for a week!" Hal grabbed his coat and stomped out the door, slamming it behind as he left for God only knows where.

James sighed, tiredly. He wanted nothing more but to go to sleep. He was achy and exhausted and felt like he could fall asleep standing up. He knew he'd have to push through it, though. He had no idea when his father would be back. He knew his father probably went to bar across town, where he usually went on the weekends after working and sleeping with his girlfriend all over the house. He figured he'd have at least a few hours before his father would come stumbling through the door and pass out on the couch.

He dropped his stuff off in his room and changed into some sweatpants and a t-shit, that way he'd be able to collapse on his bed as soon as he was done with the housework. He fought off the sleep that begged to whisk him away and headed downstairs to start his chores. He just hoped he'd be able to finish them in time.

**Yes. I definitely like this story. Really hope you guys do too! It's your opinion that matter the most! So, please leave a review and let me know what you're thinking. Do you totally hate James' dad? Do you think James is just being a crybaby? Do you think that Logan sounds super hot? INFORM ME! Please and thank you **


	3. Chapter 3

The sunlight emanating from between the cracks of his blinds was what pulled James from his short sleep. At least it seemed short. His body still felt heavy from exhaustion and his eyes put up one hell of a fight when he tried to keep them open. He laid in bed, stretching out the soreness he was experiencing from spending his time asleep in one uncomfortable position.

He'd spent the entire night cleaning the house. As much as his body begged him for sleep, he pushed through all his chores and managed to finish them and hurry up to his room just as his father came home. He listened for the sound of the front door slamming shut and the noise the couch always made as his father drunkenly hurled himself down on it. He was finally able to let his tired body rest at nearly five in the morning.

James rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and rolled over, facing away from the offending window. He yawned and let his eyes slip shut, hoping he could rest for just a little bit longer. He was so tired. So very, extremely, unnecessarily tired.

Suddenly, he wondered what time it was. He remembered how they were all suppose to meet at Kendall's house in the afternoon, twelve o'clock sharp like they usually did. He wondered how much time he still had until he absolutely had to start getting ready to go.

Lazily, he shifted his eyes to look at the digital clock across the room, located on his dresser. He immediately shot up when he saw what the blue numbers on the clock read. _2:34. _

James quickly reached for his cell phone and slid it open. Just as he had thought, twenty-eight new text messages, seventeen missed calls. All of them from the guys. Twelve of the texts and seven of the calls were from Logan. Logan.

Shit.

James wanted to slap himself for forgetting to text Logan. He just got sidetracked with his chores and he was just _so_ tired. He completely forgot. He knew Logan must have been worried sick. He probably freaked out when James didn't call him within half an hour of his departure last night.

He finished dressing and styled his hair as quickly as he possibly could. When he couldn't get the style just right, he gave up and grabbed a baseball hat that was laying on the floor and threw it on his head. He was just about to stuff his phone in his pocket and bolt for the door when the phone rang in his hand.

He stared down at it and waited a second for the caller ID to pop up. _Kendall_. James was quick to press the answer button and bring the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Finally! We've been calling you for hours, man! Where the hell are you?" Kendall's voice was both concerned and frustrated.

"I'm at home, sorry." James said, lamely.

"We stopped by your house twice. It didn't look like anyone was home. We thought you were out with your dad or something."

James silently laughed. Out with his father? Where would they go together? A bar? At least he knew his father was gone for the day though. James knew he wouldn't be home again until late that night. Late as in a few hours after James had fallen asleep kind of late.

"My dad's at work. I've been sleeping. Sorry." James sighed, feeling terrible about worrying his friends. He should have known better. He should have set his alarm clock.

"You've been sleeping all this time? Are you okay? You're not sick, are you? When did you get to bed?" Logan's voice could be heard now. Apparently, James was on speakerphone.

James felt his cheeks redden with embarrassment and was glad his friends weren't able to witness it. "I was just really tired."

"Why didn't you call me when you got in? I thought something happened to you." Logan told him, sounding a bit neglected.

"It's true! He called me at midnight and wanted to form a search party!" James heard Carlos yell from a distance.

James felt increasingly bad about the whole thing. He never meant to worry Logan to the extent of him going to look for him. "Logan, I'm really sorry. I was just so tired. I came home and completely crashed. I'm so sorry, man."

"It's okay, James. I understand. You were exhausted. It's alright. We had a big day, yesterday. But, gosh, you were sleeping for a long time. Are you sure you're okay? How do you feel?" Logan asked, letting his doctor mode kick in before he was even sure he'd need it.

"Relax, Logan, I'm fine. Just…tired, I guess." James sighed again as he sat down on his bed. He wasn't sure why, but he still felt sleepy. He'd slept long enough. He shouldn't have been tired anymore, but he was.

"Still tired? After all this time? Something isn't right. Maybe I should stop by and make sure you're okay." That was so Logan. He always needed to be sure his friends were in good shape. And he needed to see it for himself. Hearing the condition of a friend from someone else was no where near good enough for the future doctor.

"Logan, really. I'm alright. I'll meet you guys at Kendall's in fifteen minutes." James said, balancing the phone between his ear and shoulder as he pulled on his sneaker.

"James, no. If you aren't feeling well just stay home. We can always come visit you later."

"I'm not sick. I'm just tired, probably because I just woke up. I'll see you guys soon, alright?"

There was pause on the other end of the phone. James heard Logan let out a deep breath before he gave his response.

"Alright. See you soon." He finally agreed.

James hung up the phone and slid it into the pocket of his jeans. He ran down the stairs, not even stopping to gander at the living room, which had been torn apart. He knew his father must have had a lady friend over for a quickie this morning. He knew that it must have been wild and kinky and it was a wonder it hadn't woken him up.

He also knew he'd be paying for _their_ mess later.

He didn't have time to care though. He threw open the front door and stepped out into the chilly Minnesota air, ready to begin the journey to Kendall's house. He was in a hurry to get out of the house and see his friends. So they knew for sure he was okay. So Logan knew he was okay. Mostly, so he knew he was okay.

His friends were what kept him sane. His friends were his rock and without them, he knew he wouldn't make it. It wasn't like he told them about his problems. He did everything in his power to make sure they didn't know about his frequent abuse, his father's alcohol problem, or anything about his home life. It was a good thing lying came naturally to him, because over the years he'd done plenty of it. Especially when it came to the topic of his mother.

But James didn't need someone to listen to him bitch about his life. He didn't want to be the kind of person to call his friends crying in the middle of the night when he had one of the nightmares that haunted him. He was a big boy. And big boys do not cry. And if they do, no one is to ever know it.

All James needed was a release. This was something his three best friends could easily provide. When he was with them, he could pretend that he was a normal teenager without anything to hide. He could be _happy_. He was free, if only for a little while. His troubles just melted away as he hung out with the guys. Despite everything he went through, he at least had his friends.

James finally made it onto Kendall's block. He could see the average sized white and green house appear into his range of vision. He bit his bottom lip, hoping they wouldn't question him any further when he got there. He just wanted to hang out with his friends and pretend everything was alright. He wanted to forget.

He made his way up the steps and opened the front door, stepping inside and kicking his wet sneakers onto the mat. There comes a point in every friendship when you don't need to knock anymore. James, Kendall, Carlos and Logan were way beyond that point by now. None of them ever knocked, except for Logan who insisted on remaining polite, no matter how long they'd been friends.

James heard footsteps coming down the stairs and looked up to see his three friends coming to greet him. James felt embarrassed as he began to notice a concerned look spread across Logan's face.

"Where's your jacket?" Logan inquired.

James looked down at his bare arms, tinted red from the cold. How could he have forgotten? "I was in such a hurry to get here, I must have forgotten."

"Kendall, grab him a blanket," Logan instructed, never taking his eyes off of James, "James, it's like thirty degrees out. You're going to get sick."

Kendall came back with a warm fleece blanket, which James gratefully excepted. He hadn't even noticed that he forgot his jacket, but now that Logan had brought it to his attention he was really feeling it.

"I'll be fine, Logan, stop worrying." James said, as he pulled the blanket tighter around his freezing arms.

Logan eyed him like a hawk, suspicion and worry evident on his face. It made James feel uncomfortable, almost as if he was naked. He could feel Logan staring right through him.

"Are you sure you're okay? Something seems a little…off today." Logan said.

"Yeah, I'm good. Now what are we standing around for? Let's play some Call of Duty!" James smiled as he exclaimed.

"Me!" Carlos shouted, eyes wide and both hands held high in the air, "Come on, let's go! I call the green controller!"

James laughed at his friend's enthusiasm and he felt relieved when he saw Kendall and Logan smirking as well. They all followed a bouncing Carlos into the living room and set up the game.

Things were going great. They'd been playing for an about an hour, laughing and chatting as they always did. Carlos' character ran around blowing things up, while the other three actually tried playing the game. They joked around, as it was a typical Sunday for the group.

Suddenly, Carlos' character threw a grenade right at James'. The James character exploded, splattering blood everywhere.

"Carlos! That is NOT how you play Call of Duty! You just killed me, man!" James half spoke, half yelled.

"So? It's fun, you should try it!" Carlos beamed, obviously not taking James seriously.

"No, it's not _fun_, Carlos! That was my last life!" James pouted.

Carlos made a 'psh' noise and reached over to James head. "You need to lighten up! Live a little!" He smiled as he playfully knocked James' hat off his head.

James saw a look of shock spread over their faces as he they all gasped, looking straight at him. He gave them a puzzled look.

"What?" He asked. What could they possibly be staring at? Did he have something on his face?

Kendall pointed at his friends head. "Your hair…" He trailed off.

"It's all messed up." Carlos finished for him in awe.

James ran a hand through his tousled hair and gave a sheepish smile. "I didn't have time to style it."

"But you always make time to style it!" Logan mentioned. It was true. No matter how long it took, James' hair was always done perfectly. He was just in such a rush this morning…

"Yeah, well, not today. I figured I could go a day without, I mean it is only us four…I don't need to impress anyone today." He explained.

He really wished the topic would change off his hair and onto something else. Anything else. So far the attention had been on him today. Normally, he was alright with that. But today was different. His friends, mostly Logan, were getting too nosey. If he wasn't careful, they would figure out something wasn't right. And once they knew something was wrong there was absolutely no stopping them from finding out the secrets he'd worked so long and hard on to protect.

Kendall raised one of his huge eyebrows at him in a questioning manner. Carlos continued to stare at him with wide, brown eyes so wide that it pulled his ears back. It was obvious that Logan was catching onto him, by the way he was looking at him.

James felt a little bit angry. Why couldn't his friends just leave him alone? Nothing was even wrong. So his father made him stay up a little late to clean up the house, big deal. He'd been a hell of a lot worse off in the past. There were days that he had to stay in bed, claiming he didn't feel well after his dad beat him so hard it was difficult to breath. He'd been locked in closets for entire nights. Staying up late to do housework was the least of his problems.

Besides, his father _did_ work. Even if it wasn't as often as his friends thought it was, he did work and he did pay the bills. Well, most of the time anyway. His father worked three or four days a week, twelve or eighteen hour shifts at a time. The least James could do to repay him was tidy up and stay out of trouble.

Just as he was about to scold the guys for making a mountain out of a molehill, he felt his phone vibrate in the pocket of his jeans. Quickly, he dug it out and looked at the called ID.

_Dad._

James felt his heart drop and his stomach begin to ache. _Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. _What was his father doing calling him? Was he home? He shouldn't be home. It was only four in the afternoon. He was _never_ home so early. James swallowed the lump in his throat as he slid open his phone to answer it.

"Hello?" He asked, using his best acting skills to not let slip the nervousness he was feeling.

"Wherever you are. Get. The fuck. Home. _Now._" His father's voice hissed. His voice was low and dangerous and more than enough to provoke the fear that James immediately was met with.

He gulped. "Alright, I'll be right there." He answered his father, making it seem like he wasn't at all terrified in front of his friends. He slid the phone shut and shoved it back into his pocket, standing to his feet.

"I have to go, my dad needs me at home." He told his friends.

"What happened?" Kendall asked, glancing up to him.

"Oh, his car broke down again. He needs my help to get it running." James lied right through those pretty little teeth of his. That was one of his excuses. The car breaking down. James had his friends tricked into thinking that he and his father liked to work on the car together, and that often James would help fix it every time it broke down. It wasn't hard to believe if you'd ever seen Mr. Diamond's car.

"Alright, see you later, James." Kendall nodded as he turned back to the TV screen to play with Carlos.

"Bye, James!" Carlos called out, eyes glued to the screen as he commanded his character to throw more bombs.

James smiled at them, happy that his friends' attention had finally averted away from him. James strode toward the front door, ready to make his journey back to Hell.

"Wait," he turned to see Logan calling to him, "It's cold out. Take one of Kendall's jackets."

James smiled, knowing that this would be his last one for a while. "Thanks, Logan. See you tomorrow."

James walked out of Kendall's house with an old jacket to keep him warm. He took a deep breath in and the freezing air stung his lungs. He said a silent prayer as he began the walk back to his so called 'home'.

**Okay, so it's probably obvious that I know nothing about videogames. Bear with me please. Sorry it took sooooo long to update, but you have no idea how long it took me to write this while trying to work two jobs. Well. It's here now, at least. So let me know, what did YOU, the reader, think? **


	4. Chapter 4

_James held his breath as he got closer and closer to his house. He didn't know what he had done but he did know that whatever it was, it was enough to completely enrage his father. He gulped and wrapped his arms around himself. He was afraid, no, completely terrified of what his dad would do to him today._

_He thought about turning around and running. Letting his feet take him wherever. Just running and not looking back. Anywhere but there was looking pretty good right about now._

_But James knew better. He knew there was no running with his father. His father would hunt him down like a raccoon. He would find him and inflict punishments ten times worse on him than originally planned. _

_James looked up at the house and took one final breath of chilly air before making his way up the steps. Slowly, he pushed open the front door, already flinching in preparation to be hit. When he didn't see his father right away, he let out a sigh of relief. Maybe his father has forgotten about him. Maybe he'd left to go out drinking again. He smiled to himself and began to head up to his room._

_Just as James thought he was safe, he felt a strong hand grab him by the hair. It wasn't long before his face and the wall were forcefully brought together. James felt his nose drip and immediately knew what it was. The tight grip on his hair was released as he crumbled to the ground. His eyes opened in little slits just wide enough to see the angry face of his father staring into his eyes._

"_What the fuck_ is wrong with you?" Hal screamed as he brought his foot up to met James' side, connecting with a sickening crunch.

"I say I want the living room cleaned! I come home this afternoon with Sylvia and the living room is in fucking pieces!" He screamed as he repeatedly kicked his son.

James managed to get a few breaths in between kicks. He looked up at his father, his terrified eyes meeting eyes filled with pure hatred. He tried to remain calm so he could speak, but it was a battle lost from the start.

"D-Dad. It was like that…w-when I woke up. I-I swe-ar." James breathed heavily trying to keep in the sobs that so desperately wanted to escape his throat. He knew that if he cried, he would only get it worse. Big boys don't cry.

Hal grabbed James by the arm and dragged him up to a standing position. He yanked him no father than an inch from his face. James could feel his hot breath, reeking of whiskey, beating down on his face.

"You ungrateful son of a bitch!" Hal whispered through clenched teeth, "I'm the only parent you have left! I'm nice enough to let you live under my roof and all you do is talk back and fuck shit up! You are a worthless fucking embarrassment!" Hal yelled, as he began to drag James through the living room by the arm, so tight that James could feel the bruise forming.

James stumbled trying to keep up with him. His sides hurt so bad that he could barely breath. The blood from his nose was now dripping down onto his shirt. He squeezed his eyes shut, telling himself it'd be over soon enough.

"I'll fix your ass good! If you want to be a lazy piece of puke, go right the fuck ahead. But I'm not gonna be forced to look at your misfit face. You can stay the fuck in here until you learn some respect!" Hal said, as he forcefully shoved his son into the coat closet in the living room.

James hit the wall and landed with a thud onto the floor. He groaned and blinked into the darkness, feeling dazed and sore. He heard his father mumbled a few curse words and then the familiar sound of a lock clicking. James let out a sigh and laid down, curling deep into a flimsy sheet that he pulled from the bottom shelf. It wasn't warm, but it would have to do for now.

When James was little the closet terrified him. He was afraid of the dark and the monsters that he was sure were waiting for the perfect time to eat him. He would cry and scream until he would fall asleep. Often, he would get so scared that he would shake and vomit and wet himself. His father couldn't forget him so easily then, because as soon as he'd wake up he would start freaking out again. So when his father would open the door to reveal a soaked and filthy James, he would scold him for making such a mess. He'd hit him for not having more self control. He made sure that James learned very quickly to 'take it as a man' as he put it.

James didn't mind being in the closet overnight anymore. The way he saw it, the more time he was in the closet the less time he spent with his father hitting him. The closet became sort of a safe place to him over the years. He would be able to sleep soundly and avoid his father. Sometimes, if he was lucky, his dad would forget he was in there for a couple days until he needed to grab something from the closet. Even though that earned him days of safety, it also earned him three very worried friends to deal with. And his excuses where running low.

James wiped the blood from his nose off on his sleeve. His sides felt like they were on fire and he hoped that nothing was broken. After all, hockey season was almost over and James couldn't miss their final game of the season. He sighed, knowing that even if he did get out of the closet, there was no way he would be able to go see his friends tomorrow. He was just too sore. It hurt to move. His head hurt, and he was sure his dad ripped some of the hair out of his head. There was no way he could possibly keep up with them without them noticing something was wrong.

Usually on Sundays, Carlos' and Logan's families went to church. Carlos and Logan would only be able to hang out for an hour or two in the afternoon before going home for Sunday dinner. This meant that there was less time he'd have to make an excuse for. Unless, of course, Kendall wanted to do something with him. Which was very likely.

He squeezed his eyes closed, trying to breathe through the pain in his torso as he planned out what his lie would be this time.

He couldn't say he was sleeping. He'd just used that one today. Sick? No, Kendall would tell Logan and Logan would freak out and try to doctor him for the rest of the week. Surprise visit from grandma? No, he used that one last week. Snowed in? Nah, the snow wasn't that deep lately. Wanted some alone time? Ha! Like he'd really choose to be alone instead of with the guys.

Finally, he decided to say that his father and him spent the day together. He'd say his dad woke him up early and they'd gone ice fishing and then out for a nice lunch. Perfect! After all, it would be Sunday and the guys would never accuse him of lying about spending quality time with his dad.

James' eyelids began to feel heavy. His head hurt too much to think anymore. Now that he had a plan he knew it was safe to go to sleep. As much as he wanted to stay safe from his father for as long as possible, he hoped his father would let him out tomorrow. He couldn't plan a lie big enough to cover two days right now. Finally, he succumbed to his exhaustion and let himself fall into a deep slumber. _Everything will be okay in a couple days. I've just got to hang in there. _

**Sigh. Okay! I think I just fell in love with this story all over again. Cross your fingers for a quick update! So please, tell me whatever and EVERYTHING you thought about this chapter! And thanks so much for sticking with me here guys (: **


	5. Chapter 5

_James looked all around him, trying to absorb his surroundings. He was alone. There were bare trees everywhere and the skies were gray with white fluffy clouds scattering here and there. Where was he? In some sort of…park? _

_He looked down and noticed that he was much smaller. He felt five years old again. He was clad in his old teddy bear footy pajamas and he was clutched the stuffed dog named Nickels that he loved so dearly. Nickels was given to him by his mama the day he was born. _

_Suddenly, James heard a scream. A horrifying, blood curdling screech from off in the distance somewhere. James turned around and didn't see anyone. But they sounded so close… _

_The scream pierced the thick air and James quickly spun around. _

"_Mommy?" He cried out. He didn't know how he knew it was his mama; he just did. _

_When he got no response, James took a deep breath and gulped before trying again. _

"_Mommy?" He called out again. His voice sounded funny. It came out as more of an echo. But James didn't pay much attention to that. He was too focused on the ear-splitting screams that were once again booming from some godforsaken location. _

_He starting running. Wherever his mama was, she needed him. James ran as fast as he could along the dirt path beneath his feet. He felt like he was on a treadmill. He was moving but everything around his stayed frozen in place. _

_Tears sprung to his eyes as he tried with everything he had in him to run to his mama. He could still hear her screaming in the distance. James couldn't remember ever feeling so scared. He was all alone and his mama needed him. _

_The tears started laughing at him and soon he found himself stumbling. The next thing he knew, he was on the ground, blood pooling around his knees and legs. He started to cry as he called out. _

"_Mommy!" He wailed. He could still hear her perilous screams.. _

_He felt glued to the ground. His chest was tightening up and he couldn't breathe. The air around him grew thick and heavy. All this pressure was pressing down on him, crushing him. He looked up in time to see a black smoky cloud sweeping towards him at lightening speed. The screams got louder and louder as it approached him. He didn't even have time to scream. The black smoke collided with him. He started to choke. He tried to scream, but nothing came out. All he saw was blackness. _

James sprang up into a sitting position, breathing heavily as sweat soaked his clothing. He was almost afraid to open his eyes, for he knew the darkness was waiting for him, ready to swallow him whole. He gulped and slowly opened his eyes, trying to adjust them to the dark.

His heart was still pounding rapidly in his chest. _Thump, thump, thump._ He tried to slow his breathing down because he was starting to feel dizzy. It was hard though. No matter how many times he had had that dream it never got less scary. It haunted him, randomly disturbing his sleep whenever it wanted. He just wanted his mama to hold him.

James heard footsteps pounding against the hardwood floors coming toward the closet. There was the jingle of keys rang through his ears once more and he knew what was coming next.

The door flew open and James had to cover his eyes from the burning light that flooded through the black closet. He felt his father's hands on his shoulders, pulling him from the closet and letting him drop to the floor with a thud.

"Would you quit fucking screaming? I put you in there so I wouldn't have to deal with your shit," His father screamed in his ear, "I'm leaving now and when I get back you better not be here. I need a fucking break from you."

His dad turned on his heels and slammed the door shut.

_Thank God he's gone,_ James thought to himself. Slowly, he pulled himself off the hard floor, clutching his sides in the process. Everything hurt. He was achy and sore and still so very tired.

He wondered what time it was. His eyes searched the wall and landed on the clock. It was really early in the morning, only a quarter past two.

Where the hell was he suppose to go at two in the morning? He couldn't just show up at one of the guy's houses. There was no doubt that they were all asleep by now. Besides, showing up at this time would definitely indicate that something was wrong.

He new he couldn't stay home though. His father would be back within a few hours and James knew that if his father found him still at home there would be more violence yet to come. His head hurt, his nose hurt, his sides hurt. He knew he couldn't take anymore today.

Finally, he decided that he'd just go out and walk until it was time for school. He grabbed his book bag and stuffed some clean clothes in it so he'd be able to change and school. He slipped on some sneakers and remembered to grab his coat before heading out.

It was snowing ever so lightly as James stepped out onto his porch. The streetlights shined down on the dancing snowflakes and everything in the world was just so quiet. It put his mind at peace, just for a moment.

He began walking toward the park, about ten blocks from his house. He was sure that no one was there. He just wanted somewhere quiet to sit for the next few hours. Maybe he'd lay down on a bench and try to take a little nap.

As he walked, he couldn't help but to think about his father. He hated the way his father drank and whored around and the way he treated him. His father had always been an angry guy. James couldn't ever remember a time when he wasn't. He always swore and hit and yelled. When James was little he was terrified of his father.

But when he was little, there was always someone there to protect him from his father. He always had his mother. James remembered everything about his mama. He remembered the way she always smelled like cinnamon and how her long brown hair framed her face perfectly. He could remember the way his mama told him stories every night at bedtime. He'd almost always fall asleep in her arms. He missed the way she used to hold him and kiss him, whispering that everything was alright, promising that soon they'd get away from Daddy and everything would be okay. Too bad she didn't have enough time to keep her promise.

James made it to the park without seeing a single person, which he was so thankful for. He threw his bag onto the bench and laid himself down, using the bag as a pillow. Freezing, he hugged himself in an attempt to control his shivering. He really wished he had grabbed a sweatshirt to put under his coat.

James let his eyes close, hoping to fall asleep and not have to feel the wrath of the cold anymore. The wind blew through his soft hair, chilling him even more. However, James ignored the aches and chills as exhaustion slowly won him over.

**PAGEBREAKPOWERSACTIVATE!**

When James woke up the sun was shining brightly in the sky and snow was no longer falling. It was still cold out, though, which was the first thing he noticed. He couldn't believe how tired he still was, even after sleeping for over a day.

He rubbed his numb hands together, hoping the friction would warm him up a bit. He yawned and dug his hand into his jean's pocket, pulling out his cell phone.

Three missed calls and five new texts. He called his voicemail and pressed the phone to his red and frozen ear.

"_Hey, it's me, just wanted to see if you wanted to come hangout for a while today. You're probably asleep, so call me back when you get this message." _Kendall.

"_Okay, it's three in the afternoon. I know you're not sleeping. Call me back, just want to know you're alright." _Kendall again.

"_Hey, Kendall just called me saying he hasn't heard from you all day. I stopped by your house earlier but no one was home. Please just call one of us so we know you're alive." _Logan that time.

James sighed and looked through his text messages. Three from Carlos, one from Kendall and one from Logan, all wanting to call them back. He sighed in frustration. Couldn't they go a day without talking to him? There was no reason for them to freak out like this! Then again, they never went a day without talking before, so if the shoe was on the other foot, James would be just as worried.

He closed the messages and saw that it was 6:45 in the morning. He'd have enough time to get to school, get changed, and fix his hair before to guys got there. He reluctantly grabbed his bag and headed off towards the high school.

James could barely feel his legs. He was just so _cold_. He was a little unsteady on his feet, but managed to keep trudging toward his destination. He couldn't wait to get into the warm building.

He didn't know how he'd be able to get through the day. He was cold, sore and sleepy. No way would he be able to stay awake through all his classes. He still had homework that needed to be completed in study hall. He'd have to hide his aches and pains from everyone all day. And worst of all would be hockey practice. He was sure it would be pure torture on his today.

At around seven o'clock he reached the school, finding it mostly empty. He rushed into the building and let out a content sigh as warmth took him over. He felt his freezing body thaw out and smiled. He thought he'd never be warm again.

He found his way into the men's room and hurried over to the mirror. He gasped when he saw his reflection, almost not believing it was him. He looked _horrible_, and that was an understatement. His hair was dull and lifeless. He was very noticeably pale, skin as white as a ghost. His ears and nose were bright red. He looked exhausted.

James changed out of his dirty clothes and into clean ones. He combed his hair, making it as presentable as he could without Cuda products. He looked a little better, or at least he felt a little better. Overall, he still looked like shit.

He shook his head, accepting defeat. He knew the guys would be here anytime now, wondering where he was. He didn't want to be here today. He wished he could go home and sleep and snuggle up under his blankets. He didn't want to face the world. Just not today.

Just then, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He dug it out and looked at the caller ID. Logan.

"Hello?" James mumbled as he clicked the phone on speaker and set it on the edge of the sink.

"Where are you? Are you alright? Are you coming to school? Do you need us to come over?" Logan gushed as if he couldn't speak fast enough.

"Relax, Logan. I'm in school. Just fixing my hair in the bathroom. I'll meet you guys at Carlos' locker."

He hung up before Logan could get the chance to respond. Quickly, he stuffed his things back into his book bag and raced to the hallway. He dodged through the crowded halls, ignoring the flirtatious smiles of many girls along the way. He could see Carlos' locker down the hall and all three of his friends hanging out around it.

"Hey guys! Sorry, I know I'm a little late." He said, taking in a deep breath.

"Where were you yesterday? I called you and texted you but you never responded to me." Kendall asked, looking him up and down with a suspicious look on his face.

"I was out with my dad all day. He had the day off, so we went ice fishing and out to lunch. My phone was dead. And when I got home I fell asleep. Sorry about that."

"You look funny." Carlos noted. He had a confused look on his face as he stared at the taller boy.

"What do you mean?" James inquired, as if he didn't know.

"He means you don't look well. Are you feeling okay?" Logan picked up.

"Yeah, of course I am. Why? I don't look sick." James said confidently.

"Yes, you do. What's wrong? Are you nauseous? Headaches? Fever?" Logan placed the back of his hand on James' forehead. "Why are you so cold, James? And look at you, you're so pale! That's it, you're going to the nurse and going home! You need rest."

"Logan! Calm down, really, I'm fine. I feel fine. I just got here, so I'm probably just cold from walking here." James explained, trying to calm his doctor friend.

"No, you're not, something is definitely not right. Come on." Logan began to drag James off to the nurses office. James shot Kendall a look that said 'help me'.

"Wait a minute, Logie. If James says he's okay, then he's okay. We'll keep an eye on him today, that's all."

Logan hesitated a moment. "Fine. But we'll be watching and if I think you need to go home, you're going!"

James rolled his eyes, "Yes, Doctor Mitchell." He teased.

"I'm serious!" Logan said, trying his best to sound strict.

"Okay, okay! C'mon, let's just get to homeroom." James said, slightly annoyed, as the bell rang.

The four of them marched off to homeroom. James knew it was not going to be an easy day. He'd be watched like a hawk by his friends, never getting a break. He had English with Kendall and Carlos, choir with Logan, algebra with Carlos, chemistry with Kendall and Logan and lunch and hockey practice with all three of them. The full day was really going to stink. He just hoped he could push through without having to go home early and face his father.

**Boo, I stink. Anyways, yeah I know it's been awhile, but school is murdering me slowly and painfully. I really wish I had more time to write but I swear I'll update anytime I get the chance! Please let me know what you think about this chapter? Ideas, criticism, praise, encouragement…All comments are welcome! Thanks for reading, guys (: **


	6. Chapter 6

The day wore on slowly and painfully for James. He just couldn't seem to warm up, even though he never removed his coat. He was tired, having not gotten a decent nights sleep in what seemed like forever. Despite his desire to put his head down and pass out, he held his head up high and forced himself to focus on his schoolwork as if nothing was wrong.

As if nothing was wrong. Ha! What a joke. Something always was wrong. And it always started with his father. But he knew better than to say anything about it. James was an actor. He made it sixteen years so far without anyone finding out all of the secrets he kept hidden. Except his mom, of course, and mom couldn't tell anyone from where she was now…

James' eyelids felt heavy as he sat in the third row, last seat of his biology class. Carlos was seated to his left, three seats ahead, trying to balance a pencil on his nose. Kendall was sitting right next to James, half taking notes, half texting someone, probably Logan or someone from the hockey team.

Mrs. Chung rambled on and on about meiosis, lulling James further to sleep. He tried his hardest to fight it off, but the sleepiness he felt was too strong. He'd had a hard last couple of days and it really took a toll on him. Hell, he'd had a hard life.

Just as James was about to completely enter dreamland, the loud and obnoxious crackle of the loudspeaker shook everyone's ears and brought attention.

"Attention students and faculty, there is a large snow storm approaching within the next few hours. It is expected that there will be a snow emergency and the roads will be closed. Students and faculty will be dismissed early. All sports practices, which includes wrestling, basketball, hockey and gymnastics, will be canceled today. We ask that at this time everyone starts making their way to their destinations. Buses are here. That is all."

The classroom erupted in shouts of joy. Everyone, even Mrs. Chung, grabbed all their books and bags and stampeded toward the door, eager to get out of there.

James shuffled behind the crowd into the hallway. Carlos and Kendall were already way ahead of him, obviously to excited to stop and wait for their slowpoke friend. James hadn't been in the hallways for thirty seconds before he felt someone grab him by the shoulder. He whipped around to face Logan.

"Come on, you're coming home with me so I can keep an eye on you." Logan bossed.

"No, Logan, really, I'm fine!" James tried to argue with him. He was actually grateful for the offer, or order, but he'd never tell Logan that. He was just glad that he wouldn't have to go home to his dad.

"Your dad isn't home, is he?" Logan questioned.

"No…he's working a double shift." James informed him, not sure if it was the truth or not.

"Well I don't want to leave you by yourself like this. You're coming home with me and that's final!" Logan said, speaking with a great deal of authority.

Normally, Logan was quiet and passive, but when it came to his friends health he did not mess around. Health meant business to him and when he knew something wasn't right with a friend he wasted no time in trying to fix the problem.

James sighed, pretending to be frustrated as he followed Logan to the main entrance. He couldn't let Logan know how thankful he was for his doctor senses. If he did then Logan would start to really freak out.

He followed Logan in silence out to his car. He remained silent as they fought their way out of the parking lot. Silence continued as they drove through the blizzard to Logan's house. He didn't even say anything as they walked up the porch and Logan unlocked the door.

The two boys shuffled in, stripping off their coats and shoes and leaving them by the door. Logan led him over to the large tan couch, where the two boys plopped down.

"Where's your mom and dad?" James mumbled, finally breaking the silence.

"Mom's still landing planes and dad's gonna be late tonight. He has a lot of work to do on the Dentini VS Lisczyrski case." Logan explained.

Logan's mother was an air traffic controller and his father was a big-name lawyer. Both of his parents worked long and hard to earn their paychecks. The Mitchells were a family that definitely valued what they had.

"Come on, James, tell me what's bothering you," Logan gently encouraged him.

"Nothing is bothering me, Logan, I promise." James knew he would never buy that. He's Logan and he always knows better.

"Well something is wrong. Admit it James, so I can help you. You've been acting really weird lately and the guys and I are worried." Logan told him, eyes glistening with sincerity.

"I've been a little stressed, lately, no big deal, Logan, really." James told him, showing false honesty as he spoke. Being the actor James was, Logan was feeding into it just enough to let it slide.

Logan looked apprehensive for a moment, but gave a defeated nod. "Okay, but if there's _anything _else you know you can come to me or Kendall or Carlos, right?"

"Of course." Ha, another beautiful lie. He hasn't come to them with anything in years.

"Good." Logan gave a soft smile. "You wanna watch a movie?"

"Sure." James nodded, stifling a yawn.

Logan got up and walked over to the DVD player and popped in The Mighty Ducks, an old time favorite of the group. He then laid himself down on the couch, situating his head comfortably against a pillow.

James followed his lead, stretching his long legs out onto the big couch. He laid his head on the cushion, not bothering with a pillow. He was glad that Logan had a ridiculously large L-shaped couch, otherwise this might have been awkward; the two of them sprawled out on the couch in such a way.

Not even half an hour into the movie, James felt his eyelids starting to succumb to gravity. He forced them open as best as he could, getting ready to tape them open if it came to it. He didn't want to fall asleep. Logan would really freak out then. Everyone knew James didn't sleep a whole lot, and he almost never took naps during the day.

He didn't want to fall asleep. But his body was so tired. And Logan's couch was just so soft and comfortable. The house was warm and cozy and the low volume of the movie started to act as a lullaby.

"I'm going to make a sandwich for lunch. You want one?" Logan asked, yanking James away from sleep.

"Yeah, that sounds good." James replied, hoping he didn't sound groggy. He felt the end of the couch dip up as Logan went to go fix lunch for them.

James stretched and sat up in an attempt to wake himself up before Logan got back. He opened his eyes as wide as he could, determined to fight off the sleep that wanted him so badly.

Too bad that James' head started to loll and his eyes were turning into lead, or so it felt that way. Before he could stop himself, he fell sideways onto the couch, completely out cold, head on the couch cushion and legs dangling off the side.

"Hey James, what kind of meat do you want? We have ham, salami or bolo- oh." Logan stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed his friend had passed out on the couch.

Sighing, he made his way over to him and swung his legs back on the couch. He gazed at his friend, taking in how tired he looked. His eyes had dark circles under them and he seemed to frown in his sleep. And wait- was that a bruise on his arm? Logan shook his head, feeling worried and for some reason, guilty.

He draped the blanket from the back of the couch over James' sleeping form. He shook his head at his exhausted friend as he walked back to the kitchen to put away the food. Logan didn't know what was up, but at that point he knew something was very wrong with his best friend.

**You guys got this chapter because I'm putting off my research paper on The Goblin Market. Have you guys ever read it? Ridiculously long, but great poem. You should really google it, check it out. Anyways, about MY writing…How was this chapter? What did you like about it? Dislike? Please inform me! I like knowing your opinions, whether they be good, bad or the other! Thanks for reading guys **


	7. Chapter 7

When James woke up the first thing he noticed was that the living room was dark, except for the dim light of the lamp in the corner. The television was turning off and there was no sun in the sky.

He stretched, sitting up carefully as not to irritate his aching muscles. He wondered what time is was and how long he'd been asleep. He was grateful that he didn't have to wake up in his own home, but he didn't want to overstay his welcome at the Mitchell's home.

"Hey, James," James jumped at the whispered greeting from across the room. It was then that he noticed Logan sitting in the chair by the lamp, reading a book.

"Oh, hey. Sorry," James winced at how groggy and hoarse his voice sounded.

"Don't apologize. You've nothing to be sorry for," Logan told him softly. The room was so quiet it was almost eerie.

"Well, sorry for just crashing on your couch," James said as he rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"You were tired. It's okay, really. You needed to sleep."

"How long was I out?" James asked through a yawn.

"Since we got home from school, which was around ten. It's ten at night now," Logan told him as he shut his book closed and placed it on the side table where the lamp stood.

James could tell by his voice that he was worried about him. James was hit with a wave of guilt. The last thing he wanted was for his friends to be worrying about him. Between school, hockey, homework, and everything else that went on in their lives they didn't need to worry about him on top of it all. He'd been doing just fine on his own, so there was no reason to drag his friends into the hellhole that was his life.

"Seriously James, are you sure their isn't something you aren't telling me? You just don't seem right," Logan asked him softly, not wanted to push him.

"Logan, chill. I told you, I'm fine," James tried to tell him but he could tell by the look on Logan's face that he wasn't buying it.

"You are not fine! You've been so out of it lately! You're being really quiet, you're always tired, you're lacking your usual confidence and you're shying away from everyone! Seriously dude, I just want to know what's wrong so I can help. You're just not being yourself lately."

Even in the dimly light room, James could see the concern in his best friend's eyes. He hated that lost, hopeless look on his face. He really wanted to know what was bothering him. He really just wanted to help. It was times like these that made James want to break down and cry. It broke his heart that his friends wanted the truth so badly and that was something he could never give them. But how much longer would they believe his lies?

"Logan, please, I-" James was cut off by a sneeze.

"Bless you," Logan said.

"Thanks. But Logan, really-," another sneeze. Then another. Then another. Before James could stop what was happening he was thrown into a full blown sneeze attack.

Logan grabbed some tissues and brought them over to James, his forehead wrinkled in concern. He began fussing over his sneezing friend immediately, hands on his cheeks and forehead, looking at his eyes and skin for anything out of the ordinary.

"What was that? Buddy, I think you have a fever," Logan said as he pressed the back of his hand to James' cheek once more, "is that what's been going on? Have you been feeling sick?"

James hadn't been feeling sick at all until that moment. Actually, he didn't even feel sick then, just increasingly tired. Even if he did just wake up, he was exhausted already. He knew he'd have to play along though. It was just another lie, another little game he played to keep his secret safe.

Hating to have to tell yet another lie, James nodded his head. He grabbed a tissue from Logan and dramatically blew his nose into it.

"Let me get the thermometer," Logan said before disappearing into the bathroom.

James laid his head back down on the couch. He really just wanted to go back to sleep. He was still just _so_ tired. He knew Logan would be back any second with a thermometer though, ready to doctor his and coddle him as much as he felt necessary. James didn't bother closing his eyes. He knew that if he did there was no way Logan would be able to wake him up again anytime soon, and that would just start more problems.

Logan came back into the living room, armed with the thermometer, a bottle of medicine and a glass of water.

"Alright, open up," Logan told him as he stuck the thermometer in his mouth.

James complied and remained still and quiet as they waited for the thermometer to beep. James felt his eyes start to droop with all the peace in the room, and Logan's hand on his back wasn't helping.

Thankfully, the thermometer sounded before he could obtain the luxury of sleep. Logan pulled it from his mouth and checked the reading.

"Man, why didn't you tell me you felt sick?" Logan questioned. He sounded a bit offended that his friend wouldn't come to him with a health issue.

"I don't feel sick," James told him honestly.

"James, your temperature is 101 degrees. I know you must not be feeling well. Why didn't you just say something?" Logan asked him.

"I don't know. I'm tired," James told him, not bothering to come up with lie to answer his question. He was too tired to think, so he opted to just avoid the complete truth.

"Well, you should get some rest. Take some pills first, though. They'll help bring down the fever."

James held his hand out to Logan, who shook out two little red pills into his palm and handed him the glass of water. James took a swig of the water and popped the pills in his mouth, swallowing them with ease.

"Well, I better get going," James said as he pulled himself off the couch, ready to grab his coat and shoes.

"James, it's below zero! You are not walking," Logan said firmly.

James scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably. He knew his friend meant business. He hated to ask, but he had to if Logan wasn't letting him walk home.

"Well…will you please, um…drive me home, Logie?" James asked, shyly. He hated to make Logan go out of his way for him. It was unnecessary and rude, he thought.

"There's a snow emergency. All cars have to be off the road," Logan informed him, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring hard at him.

James stared back, unsure of what to say.

"Come on, you need to get to bed. Go lay down in one of the guest bedrooms. I'll call your dad and let him know you're staying here tonight."

"No!" James shouted, "I mean, it's fine, I'll just go home, really Logan. I don't want to over stay my welcome."

"Don't be stupid. You, Kendall and Carlos are always welcome here. My parents love you guys. They won't mind and you know I won't mind. You're staying. Now up to bed," Logan ordered, shooing him toward the hallway that contained two of the three guest bedrooms.

"Fine, but don't call my dad," James told him. Maybe he was imagining things but he could have sworn he heard a pleading tone in his own voice. He was hoping Logan didn't hear the same as he did. However, the suspicious look on his face told James differently.

"I mean…I'll just text him. He's working. He can't answer a call," James tried to assure him.

"Uh, okay. Anyways, I'm sure there isn't going to be school tomorrow but go rest up anyways. You know the guys will be here bright and early," Logan said as he stretched his arms over his head.

"Yeah, okay," James nodded his head before heading down the hallways to the green guest bedroom, his favorite because it had a big screen TV, a king sized bed and really cool pictures on the walls.

Logan headed down the opposite hall where his bedroom was located. Before he had reached his down he was stopped by a small voice.

"Logie?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," James said in a promising voice, sounding as if he was truly glad for his friend's hospitality.

Logan wrote it off as James being overtired and smiled at him, "You're welcome. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Both boys headed to bed without another word. Logan was glad that he had James there with him so he could keep an eye on him. James was just thankful that he had a safe, warm bed to rest in that night. He could sleep, if only one night, without having to worry about that monster he called his father.


End file.
